College Essay: “The eleven-year-old boy at my side, Freddy, made me act bolder then my nine-year-old self” (1). This sentence is very true to most kids growing up. When we are young, we always look up to and want to be able to hang with the older kids. We have to prove that we are mature and cool. The writer of this essay is expriencin the same thing, trying to prove he is brave and mature to his older friend. My younger sister sometimes want to do the things that my older sister and I do, such as go on trips. It frustrates her when my parents remind her that she is still to young to do everything. Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson: “I am trusted to get these jobs done, given the responsibility and held to it, and it elates me to accomplish the task” (1). This person is very clearly hardworking and responsible. I agree that it can be very rewarding to be given a responsibility or task, so accomplish it, and then be able to feel a sense of pride. Colleges would probably love the fact that this person has work experience, seems very determined, and doesn’t complain about the work he is given, not matter how disgusting it may be. Question: How does shouting about Slim Shady escalate to the rascist comments and threats later mentioned in the essay “Postcard Memories”?
Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson:¬¬¬¬ "The gooey chunks of feces were warm through the rubber glove on my hand.” That’s absolutely disgusting, but I have to admit it certainly grabs the reader’s attention in a way “I occasionally have to clean the poop out of the ships toilet” could not. I like how they go on to talk about how they like feeling important and how that ties to their opening paragraph, I’ll do what I need to do to be an important part of the system. Postcard Memories: “As I got into her car, I felt overwhelmingly embarrassed, but said nothing of the boys or my own tainted answer to their hatred.” I do not know if this was solely meant as a description essay or as a college essay, either way I feel it was very well written. The whole essay exposes the person who is writing, he or she is very embarrassed by her actions, and wants to express how they didn’t agree with how they dealt with the situation. Yet still that they were able to write an essay about their faults which shows they are willing to accept their faults, and move on; something that, in its self, shows great strength in character. Question: College Essay, What ever happened to Freddy? I got a very bad vibe of his character and wonder if that was just the last time they ever saw each other, she makes it sound like they never met again.
Jack Roberts Postcard Memories: In our college essay are we allowed to do a subject area that includes explicit actions like this? Was this written around WW2 or recently?
Rowen: "Rowen taught me the importance of having the courage to tell people what they mean to you. Maybe next time I see her I will." This quote represents my problem with the essay. I feel like the essay wasn't written with any depth. It is just too linear story telling. If the essay was well written these sentences that I quoted wouldn't be necessary. The author should have dug deeper into their feeling of regret and what Rowen meant to them. Also the word "maybe" in the last sentence makes the author sound weak. It should have ended with, "Next time I see her I will". This is a lot stronger than saying "maybe", because "maybe" by inserting maybe it's like the author didn't really learn anything.
College Essay: "I wanted to see the best in his carelessness, haughty smile and wished I could ignore the layers of selfishness and pleasure-seeking behavior that masked his benevolence." This sentence is the heart of the essay. Everyone has had that one friend that is a jerk, but you still have some good times with. However, eventually you realize that you just don't want to hang out with that person anymore. I like how the author learned to become a strong and independent from this experience.
"Postcard Memories": I felt that this essay was a little bit confusing in terms of context. It's unclear what's happening or why in the text - a soccer game, a runner, possibly some kind of foreign exchange program, but other than that, we're left to guess. This could be a choice on the part of the author, a thematic detail for the essay, but it isn't a choice I would've made (at least, not to this degree). I did appreciate the title, though.
"Rowen": I really liked this essay. If I had to assign it a problem, it'd be that it tries to cover almost too much narrative ground, which leaves less space to focus on things like the relationship between Rowen and the narrator. But it's a wonderful story, and it reminds me of partings I've had myself and might have regretted how I handled - the author wrote about a universally relatable experience.
"Warren Wilson": Is it normal for a college essay on the Common App to have such a direct (almost pandering) approach towards specific colleges?
In "College Essay" the passage i found most important was " I watched the pair gracefully move as one. Magic soared over the barren ground, neck arched and head held high with dignity. His toned muscles rippled in the fading light, propelling the pair on and on; it appeared that this charming boy could coerce my horse as well as he could me." I like this passage that best because it really gives a look into how Freddy treats the main character and uses the horse to tell about it.
Although "Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson" is quickly entertaining, I found the paper to feel a bit rushed. I'm not sure why. I just feel like they tried to cover a lot in not many words. I think it is the last paragraph that makes it feel jam packed. They put a lot into that last paragraph rather than equality throughout the essay.
In "Rowen" I am left wondering why she did not choose to explain herself to Rowen's father. I feel as thought colleges would appreciate the honesty in this but see a certain unattractive cowardice in the main character.
"I don't relish handling other people's poop" from "Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson". That sentence made me laugh. I just thought it was funny how he was being slightly satirical in his job at ship. This quote brings out a different side of the author in which he describes that even though it's tough work that he's not really fond of, he's still willing to do it. Good guy.
"He looks at me, and I can see the disappointment on his face. I just turn and leave." from "Rowen". This quote sums up everything I hate about this essay. Like Mrs. Sheehy said, you don't want this essay to paint the author in a bad light, and this is exactly what it did. The author should have dove into more how much he/she loved Rowena and longed to be with him, and direct stories. Less about the mini-van, but more about the few months spent together. Anyhoo, this quote just reassured how much I hated this essay.
I wonder why the author of "Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson" didn't start the essay more in tune with his thesis of sustainable focus. It was a little confusing.
Quote from “College Essay:” “At that moment, I made a promise to myself that in the future I would pick friends who felt for me as I did for them.” I thought that this essay had good meaningful points (this quote being one of them). Although it was at times confusing, it was focused on one main point, contained good vocab words, and was descriptive. When I read this essay, I definitely agreed with the life message that she focused on: that you need to choose your friends wisely.
Quote from “Rowen:” “Rowen has transformed from a silent puppet into a cheerful, seemingly normal seven-year old.” This essay reminds me of the jobs that I have—a skating coach and a daycare assistant. At both of these jobs I am working with kids to teach them new skills and help them grow. Similarly this person writes about a specific case where he/she helps a child become confident and happy.
Question from “Postcard Memories:” Why did he/she title the essay Postcard Memories? I don’t really think that it has anything to do with what was written about.
“The marine toilet, a delicate, finicky, creature, clogs with one square too many of toilet paper.” This sentence from College Essay really made me giggle because it reminded me of when I was little and watched an episode of Seinfeld and there was a huge drama because some unknown lady would not share ever ONE piece of toilet paper. I also thought that referring to toilet as a creature was great.
“She was smiling at the sweat on my nose and the blush of my cheeks.” From Postcard Memories was really nice. It made me smile, I feel like it held a really sweet undertone. I still would have loved to know more about who the exchange student in the car was and why she would smile at him like that.
I really enjoyed Postcard Memories but I got pretty confused, I thought most of the wording was beautiful but my question was WHY is he getting so harassed while he is running? Is it something to do with the exchange student he mentions at the end?
Rowen — “I lead them towards Pipsqueak, Rowen’s pony, who nickers and stretches his head towards Rowen, who shrinks away.” One of my second cousins, like Rowen, has developmental issues. She can't talk very well but she can make great connections with horses. Her favorite videos are about a horse camp, and she never goes anywhere without a pile of horse-related photographs. I often wonder what she would be like if she didn’t have her horses. It seems to me that Rowen is probably getting as much developmental help from Pipsqueak as from the author. She is making two good friends, and one of them doesn’t leave her.
Postcard memories — “‘Hitler will kill you!’ which resounds among the multitude of ‘f*** you’s” Before I realized this story took place 70 years ago in an exchange student’s experience, this sentence was very confusing. I still can’t understand why this situation would ever come up, where some Nazis are watching an American’s track run. There are reasons why an American kid would be an exchange student in a nazi-run country, and young nazi kids would jeer at him, but I can’t imagine this kid being so brave as to continue running and retaliate.
Discussion question regarding The Sun was Setting: Did the narrator blame Freddy for the evening run? Did the narrator ever confront Freddy, or did they just lose contact?
"I don't relish handling other people's poop." This is a great line from an essay that is not quite as great. I thought that the line did a good job of keeping things light and working in humor into any piece of writing increases its value in my opinion. I would always rather read something that can make me laugh or at least smile. The essay kind of started to spin the wheel at the end however and didn't make that many valid points that backed up its thesis idea.
"I discovered the true meaning of friendship and learned that I could not go through life being a meek little girl who was almost eager to capitulate under peer pressure." I think that this person is taking a whole lot of meaning out of this small interaction that she had when she was nine years old. Freddy is also nine presumably and most nine year olds don't think about consequences of their actions that thoroughly. I think it goes a little too far to rip apart Freddy as a person for his action as a nine year old.
I don't understand the how the author of Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson was working on a marine ship. Is he a high school student? Is he trying to transfer to Warren Wilson?
The essay “Rowen” is very confusing. I do not understand who Rowen is. At first the author made it seem like it was a girl. He gave Rowen human qualities but then in the later paragraph, “my own horse”. This leads me to think that he has been talking about a horse the whole time. If not, then he did a very poor job transitioning. The author jumps around a lot and the reflection lacks deep reflection. It leaves me confused.
I am once again left confused in another essay. The essay “Postcards” is written very well, in regards to structure, grammar and vocabulary but I am confused but what actually is taking place in the story. The author states that he/she is at place where people are doing some kind of activity but then it gets confusing when the kids start swearing at him. The Hitler reference really threw me off. The message of the essay is also unclear.
Do a lot of students do what the author of the Warren Wilson essay did? Like, base their whole college application to one college?
“Postcard Memories” “Such thoughts lie covered with a quilt and placed in the corner of a cluttered attic.” (2) I liked this essay a lot, and this quote in particular. I like it because I can related to the feeling of wanting to hide an experience, and also because I think it is ironic how he is saying he is going to hide this memory away in corner, but is telling us all about it.
“Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson” “I am useful, I am critical, part of something bigger than myself. When I visited, I saw this same trust given to student at Warren Wilson, and the same joy of being essential to the functioning of the college” (1) I think this essay was well done! He set of the transition from “me” to “you” really well. He is saying why he loves the school, and why the school will love him.
“College Essay” I’m curious how Freddy and the speaker met. Why were they even together?
Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson - “The gooey chunks of feces … This was a fresh blockage.” These lines were great. They were a humorous way to begin the essay. They hook you in with the complete absurdity of the lines. You never would have expected this in an essay about why you would want to go to Warren Wilson College. This was a risky way to start off the essay but I think it paid off. The lines made me want to read more to find more absurd lines like those. College Essay – “Magic, my chesnut Arabian, nickered … leaned against the wall” This paragraph really instills a vision of peace and passion. The way the writer describes his interaction with Freddy shows a passion that the writer has with Magic the horse. His descriptions go into the details of the horse himself and that paints such a peaceful picture. This writer really shows that the Horse is special,
Question: From Postcard Memory – How can these Children spout such awful things? They seem way to rude.
“The gooey chunks of feces were warm through the rubber gloves on my hand.” -Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson This opening line was effective in the sense that it really grossed me out and kept me distracted through the next essay I read. It was memorable and, but so disgusting that I wonder if it was crossing the line into too honest. S/he’s a really good writer and could’ve written about anything else. I also don’t see the connection with poop and WW over anyother school when s/he hastily lists a few things about it at the end.
Rowan: “Weeks later I run into her father....I can see disappointment in his face. I just turn and leave.” I really liked the honesty of the writer but in the end he claims that next time he sees the girl he’ll explain everything and I don’t believe him. He was so honest about his personality before that I feel like I know him and the last claim he makes is just an empty promise to satisfy colleges. I think he really hopes he will, but even he doesn’t think so.
Postcard Memories kind of confused me because I don’t really get the point. I don’t get what the importance of the story is other than to shock people. Why did he write this?
“The Relentless wind whirled sand into the air and into my eyes, but I was too distracted to notice.” –College Essay This quote reminds me of lying down in the sun at the beach. The only thing I don’t enjoy about the beach is the feeling of sand blowing at you, getting in your eyes, and not being able to get rid of it. There is no way to prevent this. You don’t focus on this one negative thing, but instead make the most out of the day in the sun. “I discovered the true meaning of friendship and learned that I could not go through life being a meek little girl who was almost eager to capitulate under peer pressure” –College Essay This quote struck out to me because I don’t believe a true friend should pressure you to do anything you don’t want to do. A friend should accept you for who you are, and what you choose to do. Peer pressure surrounds us as kids, whether it may be about something small or large. The feeling of wanting to be accepted by others consumes us as children, and can cause us to make decisions we know aren’t in the best interest. Question: • Where are the Sandia Mountains located?
“I love that by fixing a clogged toilet I prove myself capable and important to the functioning of the ship. No one must cajole or coerce me into doing my job, and they don’t expect me to have to. This trust, I love.” This quote was particularly interesting to me because of the honesty and truth in what the author is saying. For some reason, what he’s saying reminds me of something a self conscious teen might say when trying to fit into a clique or find their place on a sports team. When one is vulnerable, they’re more likely to do things to please others in order to gain respect.
“As I started to untack, tears poured down my face. Magic, always perceptive of my mood, nudged my shoulder softly with his velveteen nose. I smiled at his sympathy and then grimaces as I felt his sweat-soaked coat. His discomfort brought my thoughts back to Freddy.” I chose this quote because I believe it portrays the young man’s guilt and innocence that he wasn’t willing to show when he was in Freddy’s presence. This quote also shows the heartwarming connection between Magic and his owner. The young man in this essay is torn between doing the right thing for his horse and the right thing for his reputation. The quote I chose expresses the discontent adolescents experience when they are driven to commit inappropriate acts because of popularity reasons.
Question: Where is the author in “Postcard Memories”? I would have liked to have more detail as to why there are small children yelling mean things at him as he ran around the track. Only comments from the children and a quote from the end “my exchange student” lets the reader know that he must be somewhere foreign. I felt that I was assuming his location the entire time.
Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson: "When I visited, I saw this same trust given to students at Warren Wilson, and the same joy of being essential to the functioning of the college." I really liked this sentence because it made me excited just as I assume the writer is about the college. After reading this essay I even looked up the college to learn more about it. The way the writer explains their love for hard work and their intrigue in this school is great.
College Essay: "When my parents eventually found out about the evening ride, their punishment was nothing compared to the loss of someone I thought to be my friend." This essay was simple, yet moving, mostly because of the loss and how they explained their emotions about their loss. At first you think it is about a rebellion by two children, but it turns out to be more. I hate to be punished by my parents, to let them down and to be shown how much I've let them down, but the fact that their punishment was less than the pain of realizing this kid was not her friend, is heartbreaking.
Postcard Memories was really confusing. I did not get it. Was he playing soccer? Was he watching soccer? And what was with all the yelling? I didn't understand where he was or what he was doing when.
"Their naïve voices still carry the same meanness, but I can no longer ignore their taunts." I can definitely relate to this in a sports setting. The things that people shout at you can be pretty ridiculous. At the same time, it's completely unavoidable which is the worst part. I like how the other illustrated this type of situation.
"I don't relish handling other people's poop. I love that by fixing a clogged toilet I prove myself capable and important to the functioning of the ship." I found this particular quote to be quite the stretch. I think the author glorifies this duty way too much. As a whole I felt very grossed out by this essay in general and if I were working in the admissions office I'm not sure how I'd stomach this essay. It seemed like a very strange message to bring across in a college essay.
I was very puzzled by the title "Postcard Memories" perhaps it was a reference to the person's exchange student but other than that I have no idea. What does it mean?
Quote from Post Card Memories: "Such thoughts lie covered with a quilt and placed in the corner of a cluttered attic." I like how the author shows his embarrassment with this line. He is clearly ashamed of what he did and doesn't want to think of it again. He wants to forget it like it never happened.
Quote from College Essay: "It appeared the charming boy could coerce my horse as well as he could me." This line really shows how much the author likes this boy. She is clearly very impressed by him. She allows the reader to feel how she's feeling and when she is hurt by him, you can understand her pain because this line set it up very well. I'm confused on the relationship between Freddy and the author in the College Essay. How do they know each other? Are they family friends?
"Postcard Memories": "Small boys… sport either a regal blue or biting orange uniform." I felt that this essay was a little bit confusing in terms of context. It's unclear what's happening or why in the text - a soccer game (as the quote suggests), a runner, possibly some kind of foreign exchange program, but other than that, we're left to guess. This could be a choice on the part of the author, a thematic detail for the essay, but it isn't a choice I would've made (at least, not to this degree). I did appreciate the title, though.
"Rowen": "Rowen taught me the importance of having the courage to tell other people what they mean to you." I really liked this essay. If I had to assign it a problem, it'd be that it tries to cover almost too much narrative ground, which leaves less space to focus on things like the relationship between Rowen and the narrator. But it's a wonderful story, and it reminds me of partings I've had myself and might have regretted how I handled - the author wrote about a universally relatable experience.
"Warren Wilson": Is it normal for a college essay on the Common App to have such a direct (almost pandering) approach towards specific colleges?
"If I saw Freddy after all these years, I would thank him for how much he unintentionally helped me grow." "College Essay":
I enjoyed college essay because it was a perfect balance of narrative, description, and significance. At first it seems like it's just another story with lots of description and all but then as it goes on it builds and gains meaning. You realize this story is crucial to the author and that it defines her as a person. Too many essays (including some of my own) are missing the all too important significance sections.
Rowen:
"My own horse, troubled by health problems, needs to be moved to another barn, one that is farenough away that I will be unable to continue teaching."
The transition is fairly abrupt and added to the confusing nature of the paper. I think this essay has strong principles and roots but lacks clarity. I understand being vague is a style in some essays but this left me a little too confused. Also, the last paragraph has the author learning a worthwhile lesson and I think this should be a little more scattered throughout the essay. It's a little blocky and the essay goes from lots of story and description to a short, quick paragraph of why it all matters.
Questions:
What was the question being answered in "Postcard Memories"?
“I wanted to see the best in his careless, haughty smile and wished I could ignore the layers of selfishness and pleasure-seeking behavior that masked his benevolence” -College essay I really liked this sentence because it was very descriptive in an unorthodox way. The writer describes the boy with detail that makes me feel like I know the character, without using 10 adjectives for each physical quality about him. Instead, I feel like I know this characters personality and can relate to it. Another thing is that I think it’s a little funny how the author says “I wanted to see the best in..” and then names a bunch of things that couldn’t possibly have a good side.
“The marine toilet, a delicate, finicky, creature, clogs with one square too many of toilet paper, or sometimes just a whim.” -Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson Although I felt a little uncomfortable and weird reading this essay, I think that’s what makes it really powerful because I just wanted to keep reading and find out why he would write a college essay about unclogging a toilet. I thought that he emphasized his love for self sustainability without being cheesy, which would’ve been easy because it seems like a big characteristic of the college he wants to go to. Instead of just writing out a resume, he wrote about something intriguing that also proved he was willing to work and was humble.
College Essay: "As i started to untack, tears poured down my face. Magic, always perceptive of my mood, nudged my shoulder softly with his velveteen nose" I liked this sentence a lot because it shows that Magic is a much better friend to the author then freddy was. Magic's actions do a lot to comfort the author, and their relationship is free of peer pressure unlike the relationship between the author and Freddy.
Rowen: "Rowen taught me the importance of having the courage to tell people what they mean to you. maybe next time i see her i will." I think this brings up a great point, that it is really important to express to people how you feel about them, what their doing, or how they affected you, as that is simply honesty. No one will get mad at someone who is just being honest, and most people will respect you. It takes bravery, however it is always important to be honest.
In postcard memories, why is the narrator insulted like this, and what aspect of the narrator are the boys making fun of? his race?
I was a little confused by “Postcard Memories”. I understand that the author was warming up for a soccer game but it is unclear if the author completes the game. “I remember running towards a silver Volkswagen with my exchange student sitting at the wheel”. If the author was bullied off the field, while the bullies are protected, this makes this essay much more upsetting.
“Rowen” really struck home for me. I volunteer at High Horses, a therapeutic riding facility. “Throughout the hour long ride, Rowen shows no sign of having heard my questions, except when I ask her whether she wants to trot; a furious shake of her head makes her response quite clear”. I understand the frustration of feeling like you aren’t getting through to the children you are working with. It takes a long time to bond with a child like the author did with Rowen, and I have not yet had that experience.
My question for “Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson” is about the prompt. What was the question she was answering? I’m assuming that she is answering a supplemental question about why she specifically wishes to attend Warren Wilson. If this is just her main essay however, it seems to be more about the school than the author.
Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson- “The gooey chunks of feces were warm through the rubber glove on my hand. This was a fresh blockage.” This is probably the grossest opening to an essay ever but it really did capture the interest of myself and any reader. I always have trouble getting an essay started and this was absolutely a good way to go about it.
Postcard Memories- “As the curve of the track propels me towards the boys, I can hear their cries building and breaking like waves. Their naïve voices still carry the same meanness, but I can no longer ignore their taunts.” For anyone can describe running towards a group of people this well they deserve a medal. Excellent description and excellent imagery. I hope this writer got a superb score for description and vocabulary.
Where was the author of Postcard Memories? I am assuming Germany by the clues that they’ve included but we really don’t know for sure.
Quote: "The gooey chunks of feces were warm through the rubber glove on my hand. This was a fresh blockage." the shock of how graphic this is really makes the reader want to continue on, no matter how gross it is.
Quote: "Such thoughts lie covered with a quilt and placed in the corner of a cluttered attic" I loved this metaphor, I feel like everyone has those kind of feelings and this really puts a physical description to the emotion that everyone can relate to.
Question: I don't get the point of Postcard Memories?
I wasn't huge on "Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson." All though the opening of this essay was catchy, I think that it wasn't very appealing. The opening part about "gooey chunks of feces" is definitely interesting, but it doesn't necessarily show any skill in writing, it shows somebody taking a risk and talking about something very different. Taking a risk is admirable, and it was impressive in his case, but for me it just seems like he is trying to catching his readers off guard, which I don't really enjoy much. I understand that essays aren't all pleasantries, but anybody can talk about such graphic things.
I really liked "College Essay." It was very easy to follow, with lots of smooth transitions, and it was very touching. Especially the part about how her horse "Maggie , always perceptive of my mood, nudged me with her velveteen nose." This sentence is both descriptive and emotional. It makes me appreciate and understand their relationship better.
Quote in "Why I want to go to Warren Wilson": "The gooey chunks of feces were warm through the rubber glove on my hand.” I think this is disgusting and it should be toned down for a college essay. I really don't like the gross imagery it makes. That leads to my question...
Question: In "Why I want to go to Warren Wilson" is it a benefit to trap the admission officer's attention even if they are grossed out or react in a negative way?
Quote in "Postcard Memories": "Their naïve voices still carry the same meanness, but I can no longer ignore their taunts." I think everyone can relate to this. When it comes to sports, many people are selfish or in it for themselves. I can understand how the boy let the taunts get to him because in all of the drama of sports, everything is magnified.
"Rowen taught me the importance of having the courage to tell other people what they mean to you." Rowen is a strong essay with a relevant and interesting point. The essay has very strong dialogue. Tutor could have been more character development.
I liked the intro to "Why I want to go to Warren Wilson". the line about" gooey chunks of feces" was sort of shocking, and defiantly grabbed the readers attention. If the rest of the essay has been lacking or even average then the into would not have worked however because the essay was a good one this line helped the essay. Kyle
Quote: “ Their Naive voices still carry the same meanness, but I can no longer ignore their taunts.” I feel like that is a normal reaction, theres only so much you can take, especially what they were saying to him. - “Post Card Memories”
Question: In “Post Card Memories”, I am confused as to why the adults didn’t say anything to the kids yelling at him, and saying things that their age group shouldn’t really be saying.
Comment: In the essay “Rowen” I thought that it was really nice that the tutor was helping her, even when no one else really wanted to, or felt kind of uncomfortable.
College Essay: “The eleven-year-old boy at my side, Freddy, made me act bolder then my nine-year-old self” (1). This sentence is very true to most kids growing up. When we are young, we always look up to and want to be able to hang with the older kids. We have to prove that we are mature and cool. The writer of this essay is expriencin the same thing, trying to prove he is brave and mature to his older friend. My younger sister sometimes want to do the things that my older sister and I do, such as go on trips. It frustrates her when my parents remind her that she is still to young to do everything.
ReplyDeleteWhy I Want to Go to Warren Wilson: “I am trusted to get these jobs done, given the responsibility and held to it, and it elates me to accomplish the task” (1). This person is very clearly hardworking and responsible. I agree that it can be very rewarding to be given a responsibility or task, so accomplish it, and then be able to feel a sense of pride. Colleges would probably love the fact that this person has work experience, seems very determined, and doesn’t complain about the work he is given, not matter how disgusting it may be.
Question: How does shouting about Slim Shady escalate to the rascist comments and threats later mentioned in the essay “Postcard Memories”?
Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson:¬¬¬¬ "The gooey chunks of feces were warm through the rubber glove on my hand.” That’s absolutely disgusting, but I have to admit it certainly grabs the reader’s attention in a way “I occasionally have to clean the poop out of the ships toilet” could not. I like how they go on to talk about how they like feeling important and how that ties to their opening paragraph, I’ll do what I need to do to be an important part of the system.
ReplyDeletePostcard Memories: “As I got into her car, I felt overwhelmingly embarrassed, but said nothing of the boys or my own tainted answer to their hatred.” I do not know if this was solely meant as a description essay or as a college essay, either way I feel it was very well written. The whole essay exposes the person who is writing, he or she is very embarrassed by her actions, and wants to express how they didn’t agree with how they dealt with the situation. Yet still that they were able to write an essay about their faults which shows they are willing to accept their faults, and move on; something that, in its self, shows great strength in character.
Question: College Essay, What ever happened to Freddy? I got a very bad vibe of his character and wonder if that was just the last time they ever saw each other, she makes it sound like they never met again.
Jack Roberts
ReplyDeletePostcard Memories: In our college essay are we allowed to do a subject area that includes explicit actions like this? Was this written around WW2 or recently?
Rowen: "Rowen taught me the importance of having the courage to tell people what they mean to you. Maybe next time I see her I will." This quote represents my problem with the essay. I feel like the essay wasn't written with any depth. It is just too linear story telling. If the essay was well written these sentences that I quoted wouldn't be necessary. The author should have dug deeper into their feeling of regret and what Rowen meant to them. Also the word "maybe" in the last sentence makes the author sound weak. It should have ended with, "Next time I see her I will". This is a lot stronger than saying "maybe", because "maybe" by inserting maybe it's like the author didn't really learn anything.
College Essay: "I wanted to see the best in his carelessness, haughty smile and wished I could ignore the layers of selfishness and pleasure-seeking behavior that masked his benevolence." This sentence is the heart of the essay. Everyone has had that one friend that is a jerk, but you still have some good times with. However, eventually you realize that you just don't want to hang out with that person anymore. I like how the author learned to become a strong and independent from this experience.
"Postcard Memories":
ReplyDeleteI felt that this essay was a little bit confusing in terms of context. It's unclear what's happening or why in the text - a soccer game, a runner, possibly some kind of foreign exchange program, but other than that, we're left to guess. This could be a choice on the part of the author, a thematic detail for the essay, but it isn't a choice I would've made (at least, not to this degree). I did appreciate the title, though.
"Rowen":
I really liked this essay. If I had to assign it a problem, it'd be that it tries to cover almost too much narrative ground, which leaves less space to focus on things like the relationship between Rowen and the narrator. But it's a wonderful story, and it reminds me of partings I've had myself and might have regretted how I handled - the author wrote about a universally relatable experience.
"Warren Wilson": Is it normal for a college essay on the Common App to have such a direct (almost pandering) approach towards specific colleges?
In "College Essay" the passage i found most important was " I watched the pair gracefully move as one. Magic soared over the barren ground, neck arched and head held high with dignity. His toned muscles rippled in the fading light, propelling the pair on and on; it appeared that this charming boy could coerce my horse as well as he could me." I like this passage that best because it really gives a look into how Freddy treats the main character and uses the horse to tell about it.
ReplyDeleteAlthough "Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson" is quickly entertaining, I found the paper to feel a bit rushed. I'm not sure why. I just feel like they tried to cover a lot in not many words. I think it is the last paragraph that makes it feel jam packed. They put a lot into that last paragraph rather than equality throughout the essay.
In "Rowen" I am left wondering why she did not choose to explain herself to Rowen's father. I feel as thought colleges would appreciate the honesty in this but see a certain unattractive cowardice in the main character.
"I don't relish handling other people's poop" from "Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson". That sentence made me laugh. I just thought it was funny how he was being slightly satirical in his job at ship. This quote brings out a different side of the author in which he describes that even though it's tough work that he's not really fond of, he's still willing to do it. Good guy.
ReplyDelete"He looks at me, and I can see the disappointment on his face. I just turn and leave." from "Rowen". This quote sums up everything I hate about this essay. Like Mrs. Sheehy said, you don't want this essay to paint the author in a bad light, and this is exactly what it did. The author should have dove into more how much he/she loved Rowena and longed to be with him, and direct stories. Less about the mini-van, but more about the few months spent together. Anyhoo, this quote just reassured how much I hated this essay.
I wonder why the author of "Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson" didn't start the essay more in tune with his thesis of sustainable focus. It was a little confusing.
Quote from “College Essay:” “At that moment, I made a promise to myself that in the future I would pick friends who felt for me as I did for them.” I thought that this essay had good meaningful points (this quote being one of them). Although it was at times confusing, it was focused on one main point, contained good vocab words, and was descriptive. When I read this essay, I definitely agreed with the life message that she focused on: that you need to choose your friends wisely.
ReplyDeleteQuote from “Rowen:” “Rowen has transformed from a silent puppet into a cheerful, seemingly normal seven-year old.” This essay reminds me of the jobs that I have—a skating coach and a daycare assistant. At both of these jobs I am working with kids to teach them new skills and help them grow. Similarly this person writes about a specific case where he/she helps a child become confident and happy.
Question from “Postcard Memories:” Why did he/she title the essay Postcard Memories? I don’t really think that it has anything to do with what was written about.
“The marine toilet, a delicate, finicky, creature, clogs with one square too many of toilet paper.” This sentence from College Essay really made me giggle because it reminded me of when I was little and watched an episode of Seinfeld and there was a huge drama because some unknown lady would not share ever ONE piece of toilet paper.
ReplyDeleteI also thought that referring to toilet as a creature was great.
“She was smiling at the sweat on my nose and the blush of my cheeks.” From Postcard Memories was really nice. It made me smile, I feel like it held a really sweet undertone. I still would have loved to know more about who the exchange student in the car was and why she would smile at him like that.
I really enjoyed Postcard Memories but I got pretty confused, I thought most of the wording was beautiful but my question was WHY is he getting so harassed while he is running? Is it something to do with the exchange student he mentions at the end?
-Lillian Seibert
Rowen — “I lead them towards Pipsqueak, Rowen’s pony, who nickers and stretches his head towards Rowen, who shrinks away.”
ReplyDeleteOne of my second cousins, like Rowen, has developmental issues. She can't talk very well but she can make great connections with horses. Her favorite videos are about a horse camp, and she never goes anywhere without a pile of horse-related photographs. I often wonder what she would be like if she didn’t have her horses. It seems to me that Rowen is probably getting as much developmental help from Pipsqueak as from the author. She is making two good friends, and one of them doesn’t leave her.
Postcard memories — “‘Hitler will kill you!’ which resounds among the multitude of ‘f*** you’s”
Before I realized this story took place 70 years ago in an exchange student’s experience, this sentence was very confusing. I still can’t understand why this situation would ever come up, where some Nazis are watching an American’s track run. There are reasons why an American kid would be an exchange student in a nazi-run country, and young nazi kids would jeer at him, but I can’t imagine this kid being so brave as to continue running and retaliate.
Discussion question regarding The Sun was Setting:
Did the narrator blame Freddy for the evening run? Did the narrator ever confront Freddy, or did they just lose contact?
"I don't relish handling other people's poop." This is a great line from an essay that is not quite as great. I thought that the line did a good job of keeping things light and working in humor into any piece of writing increases its value in my opinion. I would always rather read something that can make me laugh or at least smile. The essay kind of started to spin the wheel at the end however and didn't make that many valid points that backed up its thesis idea.
ReplyDelete"I discovered the true meaning of friendship and learned that I could not go through life being a meek little girl who was almost eager to capitulate under peer pressure." I think that this person is taking a whole lot of meaning out of this small interaction that she had when she was nine years old. Freddy is also nine presumably and most nine year olds don't think about consequences of their actions that thoroughly. I think it goes a little too far to rip apart Freddy as a person for his action as a nine year old.
I don't understand the how the author of Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson was working on a marine ship. Is he a high school student? Is he trying to transfer to Warren Wilson?
-BHM
The essay “Rowen” is very confusing. I do not understand who Rowen is. At first the author made it seem like it was a girl. He gave Rowen human qualities but then in the later paragraph, “my own horse”. This leads me to think that he has been talking about a horse the whole time. If not, then he did a very poor job transitioning. The author jumps around a lot and the reflection lacks deep reflection. It leaves me confused.
ReplyDeleteI am once again left confused in another essay. The essay “Postcards” is written very well, in regards to structure, grammar and vocabulary but I am confused but what actually is taking place in the story. The author states that he/she is at place where people are doing some kind of activity but then it gets confusing when the kids start swearing at him. The Hitler reference really threw me off. The message of the essay is also unclear.
Do a lot of students do what the author of the Warren Wilson essay did? Like, base their whole college application to one college?
“Postcard Memories”
ReplyDelete“Such thoughts lie covered with a quilt and placed in the corner of a cluttered attic.” (2) I liked this essay a lot, and this quote in particular. I like it because I can related to the feeling of wanting to hide an experience, and also because I think it is ironic how he is saying he is going to hide this memory away in corner, but is telling us all about it.
“Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson”
“I am useful, I am critical, part of something bigger than myself.
When I visited, I saw this same trust given to student at Warren Wilson, and the same joy of being essential to the functioning of the college” (1) I think this essay was well done! He set of the transition from “me” to “you” really well. He is saying why he loves the school, and why the school will love him.
“College Essay”
I’m curious how Freddy and the speaker met. Why were they even together?
--Grace Tecca
Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson - “The gooey chunks of feces … This was a fresh blockage.” These lines were great. They were a humorous way to begin the essay. They hook you in with the complete absurdity of the lines. You never would have expected this in an essay about why you would want to go to Warren Wilson College. This was a risky way to start off the essay but I think it paid off. The lines made me want to read more to find more absurd lines like those.
ReplyDeleteCollege Essay – “Magic, my chesnut Arabian, nickered … leaned against the wall” This paragraph really instills a vision of peace and passion. The way the writer describes his interaction with Freddy shows a passion that the writer has with Magic the horse. His descriptions go into the details of the horse himself and that paints such a peaceful picture. This writer really shows that the Horse is special,
Question: From Postcard Memory – How can these Children spout such awful things? They seem way to rude.
“The gooey chunks of feces were warm through the rubber gloves on my hand.” -Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson This opening line was effective in the sense that it really grossed me out and kept me distracted through the next essay I read. It was memorable and, but so disgusting that I wonder if it was crossing the line into too honest. S/he’s a really good writer and could’ve written about anything else. I also don’t see the connection with poop and WW over anyother school when s/he hastily lists a few things about it at the end.
ReplyDeleteRowan: “Weeks later I run into her father....I can see disappointment in his face. I just turn and leave.” I really liked the honesty of the writer but in the end he claims that next time he sees the girl he’ll explain everything and I don’t believe him. He was so honest about his personality before that I feel like I know him and the last claim he makes is just an empty promise to satisfy colleges. I think he really hopes he will, but even he doesn’t think so.
Postcard Memories kind of confused me because I don’t really get the point. I don’t get what the importance of the story is other than to shock people. Why did he write this?
“The Relentless wind whirled sand into the air and into my eyes, but I was too distracted to notice.” –College Essay
ReplyDeleteThis quote reminds me of lying down in the sun at the beach. The only thing I don’t enjoy about the beach is the feeling of sand blowing at you, getting in your eyes, and not being able to get rid of it. There is no way to prevent this. You don’t focus on this one negative thing, but instead make the most out of the day in the sun.
“I discovered the true meaning of friendship and learned that I could not go through life being a meek little girl who was almost eager to capitulate under peer pressure” –College Essay
This quote struck out to me because I don’t believe a true friend should pressure you to do anything you don’t want to do. A friend should accept you for who you are, and what you choose to do. Peer pressure surrounds us as kids, whether it may be about something small or large. The feeling of wanting to be accepted by others consumes us as children, and can cause us to make decisions we know aren’t in the best interest.
Question:
• Where are the Sandia Mountains located?
“I love that by fixing a clogged toilet I prove myself capable and important to the functioning of the ship. No one must cajole or coerce me into doing my job, and they don’t expect me to have to. This trust, I love.”
ReplyDeleteThis quote was particularly interesting to me because of the honesty and truth in what the author is saying. For some reason, what he’s saying reminds me of something a self conscious teen might say when trying to fit into a clique or find their place on a sports team. When one is vulnerable, they’re more likely to do things to please others in order to gain respect.
“As I started to untack, tears poured down my face. Magic, always perceptive of my mood, nudged my shoulder softly with his velveteen nose. I smiled at his sympathy and then grimaces as I felt his sweat-soaked coat. His discomfort brought my thoughts back to Freddy.”
I chose this quote because I believe it portrays the young man’s guilt and innocence that he wasn’t willing to show when he was in Freddy’s presence. This quote also shows the heartwarming connection between Magic and his owner. The young man in this essay is torn between doing the right thing for his horse and the right thing for his reputation. The quote I chose expresses the discontent adolescents experience when they are driven to commit inappropriate acts because of popularity reasons.
Question: Where is the author in “Postcard Memories”? I would have liked to have more detail as to why there are small children yelling mean things at him as he ran around the track. Only comments from the children and a quote from the end “my exchange student” lets the reader know that he must be somewhere foreign. I felt that I was assuming his location the entire time.
Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson: "When I visited, I saw this same trust given to students at Warren Wilson, and the same joy of being essential to the functioning of the college." I really liked this sentence because it made me excited just as I assume the writer is about the college. After reading this essay I even looked up the college to learn more about it. The way the writer explains their love for hard work and their intrigue in this school is great.
ReplyDeleteCollege Essay: "When my parents eventually found out about the evening ride, their punishment was nothing compared to the loss of someone I thought to be my friend." This essay was simple, yet moving, mostly because of the loss and how they explained their emotions about their loss. At first you think it is about a rebellion by two children, but it turns out to be more. I hate to be punished by my parents, to let them down and to be shown how much I've let them down, but the fact that their punishment was less than the pain of realizing this kid was not her friend, is heartbreaking.
Postcard Memories was really confusing. I did not get it. Was he playing soccer? Was he watching soccer? And what was with all the yelling? I didn't understand where he was or what he was doing when.
-Haley Dennison
"Their naïve voices still carry the same meanness, but I can no longer ignore their taunts."
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to this in a sports setting. The things that people shout at you can be pretty ridiculous. At the same time, it's completely unavoidable which is the worst part. I like how the other illustrated this type of situation.
"I don't relish handling other people's poop. I love that by fixing a clogged toilet I prove myself capable and important to the functioning of the ship."
I found this particular quote to be quite the stretch. I think the author glorifies this duty way too much. As a whole I felt very grossed out by this essay in general and if I were working in the admissions office I'm not sure how I'd stomach this essay. It seemed like a very strange message to bring across in a college essay.
I was very puzzled by the title "Postcard Memories" perhaps it was a reference to the person's exchange student but other than that I have no idea. What does it mean?
Quote from Post Card Memories: "Such thoughts lie covered with a quilt and placed in the corner of a cluttered attic." I like how the author shows his embarrassment with this line. He is clearly ashamed of what he did and doesn't want to think of it again. He wants to forget it like it never happened.
ReplyDeleteQuote from College Essay: "It appeared the charming boy could coerce my horse as well as he could me." This line really shows how much the author likes this boy. She is clearly very impressed by him. She allows the reader to feel how she's feeling and when she is hurt by him, you can understand her pain because this line set it up very well.
I'm confused on the relationship between Freddy and the author in the College Essay. How do they know each other? Are they family friends?
"Postcard Memories":
ReplyDelete"Small boys… sport either a regal blue or biting orange uniform."
I felt that this essay was a little bit confusing in terms of context. It's unclear what's happening or why in the text - a soccer game (as the quote suggests), a runner, possibly some kind of foreign exchange program, but other than that, we're left to guess. This could be a choice on the part of the author, a thematic detail for the essay, but it isn't a choice I would've made (at least, not to this degree). I did appreciate the title, though.
"Rowen":
"Rowen taught me the importance of having the courage to tell other people what they mean to you."
I really liked this essay. If I had to assign it a problem, it'd be that it tries to cover almost too much narrative ground, which leaves less space to focus on things like the relationship between Rowen and the narrator. But it's a wonderful story, and it reminds me of partings I've had myself and might have regretted how I handled - the author wrote about a universally relatable experience.
"Warren Wilson": Is it normal for a college essay on the Common App to have such a direct (almost pandering) approach towards specific colleges?
Jude:
ReplyDeleteCollege Essay:
"If I saw Freddy after all these years, I would thank him for how much he unintentionally helped me grow."
"College Essay":
I enjoyed college essay because it was a perfect balance of narrative, description, and significance. At first it seems like it's just another story with lots of description and all but then as it goes on it builds and gains meaning. You realize this story is crucial to the author and that it defines her as a person. Too many essays (including some of my own) are missing the all too important significance sections.
Rowen:
"My own horse, troubled by health problems, needs to be moved to another barn, one that is farenough away that I will be unable to continue teaching."
The transition is fairly abrupt and added to the confusing nature of the paper. I think this essay has strong principles and roots but lacks clarity. I understand being vague is a style in some essays but this left me a little too confused. Also, the last paragraph has the author learning a worthwhile lesson and I think this should be a little more scattered throughout the essay. It's a little blocky and the essay goes from lots of story and description to a short, quick paragraph of why it all matters.
Questions:
What was the question being answered in "Postcard Memories"?
“I wanted to see the best in his careless, haughty smile and wished I could ignore the layers of selfishness and pleasure-seeking behavior that masked his benevolence” -College essay
ReplyDeleteI really liked this sentence because it was very descriptive in an unorthodox way. The writer describes the boy with detail that makes me feel like I know the character, without using 10 adjectives for each physical quality about him. Instead, I feel like I know this characters personality and can relate to it. Another thing is that I think it’s a little funny how the author says “I wanted to see the best in..” and then names a bunch of things that couldn’t possibly have a good side.
“The marine toilet, a delicate, finicky, creature, clogs with one square too many of toilet paper, or sometimes just a whim.” -Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson
Although I felt a little uncomfortable and weird reading this essay, I think that’s what makes it really powerful because I just wanted to keep reading and find out why he would write a college essay about unclogging a toilet. I thought that he emphasized his love for self sustainability without being cheesy, which would’ve been easy because it seems like a big characteristic of the college he wants to go to. Instead of just writing out a resume, he wrote about something intriguing that also proved he was willing to work and was humble.
College Essay: "As i started to untack, tears poured down my face. Magic, always perceptive of my mood, nudged my shoulder softly with his velveteen nose" I liked this sentence a lot because it shows that Magic is a much better friend to the author then freddy was. Magic's actions do a lot to comfort the author, and their relationship is free of peer pressure unlike the relationship between the author and Freddy.
ReplyDeleteRowen: "Rowen taught me the importance of having the courage to tell people what they mean to you. maybe next time i see her i will." I think this brings up a great point, that it is really important to express to people how you feel about them, what their doing, or how they affected you, as that is simply honesty. No one will get mad at someone who is just being honest, and most people will respect you. It takes bravery, however it is always important to be honest.
In postcard memories, why is the narrator insulted like this, and what aspect of the narrator are the boys making fun of? his race?
I was a little confused by “Postcard Memories”. I understand that the author was warming up for a soccer game but it is unclear if the author completes the game. “I remember running towards a silver Volkswagen with my exchange student sitting at the wheel”. If the author was bullied off the field, while the bullies are protected, this makes this essay much more upsetting.
ReplyDelete“Rowen” really struck home for me. I volunteer at High Horses, a therapeutic riding facility. “Throughout the hour long ride, Rowen shows no sign of having heard my questions, except when I ask her whether she wants to trot; a furious shake of her head makes her response quite clear”. I understand the frustration of feeling like you aren’t getting through to the children you are working with. It takes a long time to bond with a child like the author did with Rowen, and I have not yet had that experience.
My question for “Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson” is about the prompt. What was the question she was answering? I’m assuming that she is answering a supplemental question about why she specifically wishes to attend Warren Wilson. If this is just her main essay however, it seems to be more about the school than the author.
Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson-
ReplyDelete“The gooey chunks of feces were warm through the rubber glove on my hand. This was a fresh blockage.” This is probably the grossest opening to an essay ever but it really did capture the interest of myself and any reader. I always have trouble getting an essay started and this was absolutely a good way to go about it.
Postcard Memories-
“As the curve of the track propels me towards the boys, I can hear their cries building and breaking like waves. Their naïve voices still carry the same meanness, but I can no longer ignore their taunts.” For anyone can describe running towards a group of people this well they deserve a medal. Excellent description and excellent imagery. I hope this writer got a superb score for description and vocabulary.
Where was the author of Postcard Memories? I am assuming Germany by the clues that they’ve included but we really don’t know for sure.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteQuote: "The gooey chunks of feces were warm through the rubber glove on my hand. This was a fresh blockage." the shock of how graphic this is really makes the reader want to continue on, no matter how gross it is.
ReplyDeleteQuote: "Such thoughts lie covered with a quilt and placed in the corner of a cluttered attic" I loved this metaphor, I feel like everyone has those kind of feelings and this really puts a physical description to the emotion that everyone can relate to.
Question: I don't get the point of Postcard Memories?
I wasn't huge on "Why I Want to Go to Warren Wilson." All though the opening of this essay was catchy, I think that it wasn't very appealing. The opening part about "gooey chunks of feces" is definitely interesting, but it doesn't necessarily show any skill in writing, it shows somebody taking a risk and talking about something very different. Taking a risk is admirable, and it was impressive in his case, but for me it just seems like he is trying to catching his readers off guard, which I don't really enjoy much. I understand that essays aren't all pleasantries, but anybody can talk about such graphic things.
ReplyDeleteI really liked "College Essay." It was very easy to follow, with lots of smooth transitions, and it was very touching. Especially the part about how her horse "Maggie , always perceptive of my mood, nudged me with her velveteen nose." This sentence is both descriptive and emotional. It makes me appreciate and understand their relationship better.
Question: In postcard memories, what race is she?
Quote in "Why I want to go to Warren Wilson": "The gooey chunks of feces were warm through the rubber glove on my hand.” I think this is disgusting and it should be toned down for a college essay. I really don't like the gross imagery it makes. That leads to my question...
ReplyDeleteQuestion: In "Why I want to go to Warren Wilson" is it a benefit to trap the admission officer's attention even if they are grossed out or react in a negative way?
Quote in "Postcard Memories": "Their naïve voices still carry the same meanness, but I can no longer ignore their taunts." I think everyone can relate to this. When it comes to sports, many people are selfish or in it for themselves. I can understand how the boy let the taunts get to him because in all of the drama of sports, everything is magnified.
"Rowen taught me the importance of having the courage to tell other people what they mean to you."
ReplyDeleteRowen is a strong essay with a relevant and interesting point. The essay has very strong dialogue. Tutor could have been more character development.
I liked the intro to "Why I want to go to Warren Wilson". the line about" gooey chunks of feces" was sort of shocking, and defiantly grabbed the readers attention. If the rest of the essay has been lacking or even average then the into would not have worked however because the essay was a good one this line helped the essay.
Kyle
Quote: “ Their Naive voices still carry the same meanness, but I can no longer ignore their taunts.” I feel like that is a normal reaction, theres only so much you can take, especially what they were saying to him. - “Post Card Memories”
ReplyDeleteQuestion: In “Post Card Memories”, I am confused as to why the adults didn’t say anything to the kids yelling at him, and saying things that their age group shouldn’t really be saying.
Comment: In the essay “Rowen” I thought that it was really nice that the tutor was helping her, even when no one else really wanted to, or felt kind of uncomfortable.